Shabbat in Jerusalem

I've been meaning to write for the past few days. I left the Kibbutz of Friday and have been in Jerusalem since. It hasn't fully sunk in that the program is actually over. We had a number of goodbye-like activities including a really fun final party. We also had to clean out our rooms, so it obviously felt as though we were leaving. And lots of people left early, so campus felt pretty empty. Even though it's been a few days, I haven't really even started to process my experiences at the Machon. Maybe once I return to the States it will start happening (which will be the beginning of March). In the meantime, I will be traveling throughout Israel and taking advantage of this last month here. I've decided that I will just enjoy February and worry about thinking and processing later.

It seems to be working so far. I had an amazing Shabbat in Jerusalem. I'm staying in Anna's apartment on and off until I leave. We went to Yakar for Kabbalat Shabbat services, and it was one of the most moving spiritual/religious experiences that I have ever had. It is an Orthodox shul with a non-egal service, but I still found it to be really incredible. I find at a lot of Conservative and Orthodox shuls that people are in a rush to get through the prayers as quickly as possible, something that takes away from the service for me. But at Yakar they seem to savor each prayer, and they sing a lot. Not only do they sing all of the psalms, etc, but they have really beautiful niggunim that they intersperse in the service. There was also so much energy around me. I was so caught up in the music and the prayers that I felt transported to a different place. I don't really know how to describe it, but it was a very powerful experience. And afterwards, I had dinner with Anna and a few friends. It was an intimate and beautiful Friday night.

Before coming to Israel I had serious issues with non-egal services. Every time I went in the States, I had trouble getting past the fact that men and women couldn't sit next to each other and became resentful, which just ruined the whole experience. But since coming to Israel, I have realized that praying just with women can be really beautiful. Don't get me wrong, there are some really bad non-egal services, but it isn't because men and women can't sit together, it is the service in general - the atmosphere, the way the mechitza is setup, the participation of women in the community, etc. I have also been exposed to the orthodox world much more and my perception of it has changed significantly. I have a much greater appreciation for traditional practice, following halakha, etc. than I used to. I'm not planning on becoming orthodox (don't worry mom) but I can see why some choose to do so.

I am living with people who are shomer Shabbat and who keep a kosher home. There is definitely a level of intention and awareness that I feel when I am here. I don't know if it is because I did not grow up with such rules, so I have to actively think about it, or if it is something one always thinks about more. I mean, I have to think about which plate I am going to use for a meal - meat, dairy, or parve - which sponge to use when I wash it, and where to put the dishes once I'm done with them. On Shabbat, don't turn on or off lights. Wasn't I yelled at for leaving lights on as a kid? It's a very different lifestyle in many ways, but I am very grateful that I have the opportunity to experience for a while.

I'm leaving for Tel Aviv tomorrow for a few days...