Life during Gaza

I'm not sure that I have anything new to say right now even though it's been a really intense week here. I think I am still processing what has and is happening, so maybe this post will help me do that. The atmosphere has definitely changed over the last week, and I know that a lot of it has to do with the bombings in Gaza, but it is also close to the end of the semester and papers are due and exams are coming up, so the stress level would be noticeably higher anyway. That being said, people are trying to figure out how to continue living in this environment when they are being told by their families to come home, when they feel as though the attacks on Gaza are direct attacks against themselves and their families, and when they realize that they could very well be called up for reserve duty.

It is odd to be here with people who are so directly and personally affected by the events from both sides of the conflict. On the one hand, I see the Palestinians who really feel as though this is an attack against them, who see those being killed as part of them, even though their immediate families are not in immediate danger. I have seen a couple of them sitting in front of the computer watching the news all day long, literally. I completely understand that compulsion - I did that very thing during the invasion of Iraq in 2003. Michael was there, but we had no idea what he was doing, where he was, or when we would hear from him. The uncertainty and helplessness can make you feel as though you are going crazy. And what can you do? Watching the news will perhaps provide a sense of empowerment because you know what's going on, but what do you do with that information. It highlights what you don't know and just becomes torturous. I remember coming home from school, sitting in front of the TV, and not really being able to do anything else. It's a horrible feeling. And it is hard for me to watch other people do that to themselves. There is a point at which it has to stop and reinstituting a sense of normalcy into life must occur.

There are some very liberal Israelis here, to the point that they left their army service early or have refused to do reserve duty ever again (Israelis typically do reserve duty once a year for a month for 30 years - I think - after their army service). And then there are some Israelis who disagree with the occupation, but say they do not regret their time in the army and that they would do it again if they had to do it over. One of the more "right" Israelis who has always defended his military service and the importance of the IDF, may be called up to go to the Gazan border. For the first couple of days, he was very concerned about what he would do should he actually be asked to go. He told us that he has decided that he would refuse to go, because it wouldn't feel right. It isn't a question of loyalty or patriotism, it is a question of current circumstances. He couldn't go fight and potentially kill Arabs when he is living with them and has created friendships and connections.

As one of the other Israelis said to me, how can we look the Arab students in the face? Everyone here condemns the violence on both sides, but it is hard not to think that others perceive you as representing your government as somehow responsible for what is happening. How much of that is self-imposed and how much is actual, I dont' know. I suspect there is a little bit of each mixed in.

Something that has been done here consistently is to try to show that both sides are facing unacceptable situations. Clearly, the bombings in Gaza are horrendous and it is terrible and deplorable that so many people have been killed, but the Institute is always quick to say that the people in Sderot and Netivot, etc are also facing an unacceptable situation. The Arab students have said on more than one occassion that they are frustrated with always trying to strike that balance. The situations aren't equal. There have not been many casualties on the Israeli side, they can go elsewhere in the country to escape the bombings, they can go to bomb shelters. I think that everyone here recongnizes that there is significant asymmetry, but it doesn't minimize the fact that the Israeli public is suffering in this conflict as well. It does not invalidate or lessen the pain and injustice of the Palestinians that Israelis are also suffering. It is something that I have found frustrating in general here. There seems to be an underlying (and unspoken) contest over who has suffered more. As if that somehow gives someone more legitimacy and validation.

On a related note, I find it interesting that a lot has been said here about Sderot and the area surrounding Gaza, but very little has been said about the army. Not only is there concern that some people here might be called up, but what about friends and family? And this may sound heartless, but frankly, if someone's family member has to go to the Gazan border, they are probably in more immediate danger than anyone else's family in the Machon. Why have we not recognized this at all? It is so taboo to talk about the army because Palestinians have such bad associations with it. They see it as an occupying force, an oppressive force.

I don't really know what else to say right now, so I'll leave it at that.